Mea Culpa: Toxic Manipulation of Guilt and Shame

Urban Sadhu Exploration May 2025

lōkah samastah sukhinō bhavantu – From a stone inscription from the Rulers of the Sangam a Dynasty (1336-1485 C.E.)

Meaning:   May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some small way to that happiness and to that freedom for all. – Interpretation by Sharon Gannon, co-founder of Jivamukti Yoga

Mea culpa is a Latin phrase meaning “through my fault,” or “I’m guilty.” It comes from the Roman Catholic prayer of confession of sin. It is a term rooted in both guilt and toxic shame: mea culpa is an acceptance of “original sin,” a belief that all humans have culpability for Adam and Eve’s first sin. As a result, we humans as a group are forevermore guilty and ashamed for this original ill-fated transgression against God. Mea culpa does not provide any release from its grip; there is no exculpation, no clearing from the alleged guilt and toxic shame.

In modern times, mea culpa has evolved from its early Christian roots into a prominent element of today’s social landscape, particularly within identity politics and culture wars. Both the far right and the far left use toxic guilt and shame as tools. When the guilt and shame associated with mea culpa are weaponized by individuals, groups, or institutions, they become instruments of control, power, manipulation, and oppression—much like those once used in Catholic dogma. Therefore, it is important to understand the difference between guilt and shame, as well as the distinction between healthy and toxic shame.

We all need a personal and healthy relationship with guilt and non-toxic shame – without these emotions, we are not fully developed individuals. The terms guilt and shame are often used interchangeably, but they differ. Guilt emerges from a realization that our actions (or inactions) have caused harm or injury to others. Non-toxic shame relates to our self: it is an internalized feeling of regret, remorse, and embarrassment about how our actions are affecting our mental and emotional wellbeing. As Anna Aslanian puts in an article Gottman Institute How to Deal with Shame, “While healthy shame is necessary to keep society intact and ethical, this isn’t what causes distress and pain in so many people. Healthy [non-toxic] shame guides toward self-correction, making amends, and growth.”1 A normal, healthy relationship with guilt and non-toxic shame is a form of self-study. Through self-study we become the witness to our actions, and this leads us to take personal responsibility for those actions. Guilt and healthy shame help us to develop scruples – a moral compass.

Guilt and healthy shame, then, can be part of our spiritual path. But there is a clear difference between toxic shame and non-toxic shame. Aslanian continues, “Toxic shame, on the other hand, can be very harmful psychologically. It’s deeply buried in the nervous system (meaning that you feel it in your gut). Toxic shame is self-punishing and lingers. It often produces negative self-talk such as, `I am such a bad person, I give up’ (instead of `I did something bad. How can I fix it?’), `I am not good enough’ (instead of `I am worthy just the way I am AND I can work on improving myself’), and `I am a failure’ (instead of `It’s okay to fail, I am learning, I can try again’).”

We learn these negative impressions through toxic shame-inducing caregivers, teachers, bullies, partners, friends, etc. This leads to feeling alone, disconnected, and more likely to engage in self-destructive behavior. According to Dr. Brené Brown in an article for HuffPost Shame, Guilt and Addiction, “[toxic] shame is related to violence, aggression, depression, addiction, eating disorders, and bullying.”2 It is an inescapable cycle of emotional and mental manipulation that can have a debilitating effect on a person’s spiritual growth.

It is essential for our spiritual development that we learn to manage guilt and shame. As part of our self-study we can ask ourselves “Why do I feel guilty?” “Did I do wrong, or am I perceiving that I did something wrong?” “Is someone else making me feel guilt and shame?” “Can I fix this situation?” “Could ‘fixing’ the situation help or do more harm?” The answers to these questions can help us understand how to manage our feelings.

Lao-Tzu, the Chinese philosopher and founder of the philosophical system of Taoism, is credited with saying: “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become your character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” The key to the ancient wisdom of Lao-Tzu is the term “watch your”: the term expresses awareness of the rippling effects of karma. Taoism, like yoga, is a belief system based on karma and not sin.

To understand karma, one must understand that we all have personal choices and free will. Mea culpa, with its direct relationship to sin, rips away our personal choice and free will. In his book, The Way of Zen, Alan Watts explains, "Karma is an action which is born from a movement, and seeks a result, and it belongs to the kind of actions which always require a necessity in order to happen. When a man [person] interferes in such a way that he [they] must continue to interfere, when the solution of the problem creates even more problems, when the control of the thing creates the necessity of controlling more things, then the man [person] is entangled in karma [action].”3 Mea culpa keeps us locked in the wheel of samsara, an endless cycle of birth, death, and eternal suffering. Mea culpa is a systemic and structural institutionalized form of human bondage.

Karma Yoga (the Yoga of understanding one’s actions and taking responsibility for them) seeks to end samsara so we can obtain moksha (“liberation”) in this lifetime. To do this, one must not just acknowledge and wallow in the personal guilt and shame but also begin to make changes in one’s actions.

When we start understanding our actions and make a conscious effort to offer other beings happiness and freedom through our choice and freely willed action, we can begin to share in the bhava (“divine energetic or existence”) of happiness and freedom for all beings. We become a collective centered on happiness, freedom, and joy – not a collective centered on otherness, victimization, and indignation.

We can free ourselves and others from the cycle of unnecessary guilt and toxic shame. We can apologize for our trespasses and begin to forgive those who trespass against us. But most of all we can let go, and we can move forward toward true liberation of the body, the mind, the thoughts, and the emotions, but most of all the spirit.

1 Anna Aslanian, LCSW, in an article for the Gottman Institute How to Deal with Shame

What story from your life makes you go into hiding? Published October 26, 2021

2 Dr. Brené Brown on Shame, Guilt and Addiction, HuffPost published March 28, 2013

3  Alan Watts, The Way of Zen, published 1957

Austin Sanderson, Urban Sadhu